Feeling Scared

So it seemed like an eternity between the three days of waiting for her pediatrician and physical therapy appointment to get an official diagnosis of torticollis (which at this point, I was almost 100% that she had).  In the meantime, I started researching torticollis on the internet.  I learned about the condition of torticollis and various treatment options.  I scoured torticollis forums on BabyCenter to see what other parents' experiences were.

The one thing that stood out to me was that many babies were diagnosed with this as infants and had started physical therapy early on.  Now my daughter was almost seven months and that almost seemed late to be officially diagnosed and treated in the "torticollis world".  The more I learned about this condition, the more fear and guilt crept into my mommy conscience.  My poor daughter likely started showing signs of this condition around one or two months of age.   That means that I could have spent the last four or five months working with her to correct this problem.

Another thing that really upset me about this condition is that torticollis can cause facial asymmetries.  I realized that one of her eyes being more opened than the other was likely caused by this.  Again, I was kicking myself for not having her diagnosed and treated for this earlier.  I felt like it was all my fault!  And of course, once I read about the other common facial asymmetries that result from torticollis, I really gave my daughter an in depth inspection.  Babies with torticollis can have facial asymmetries with their eyes, jaws, cheeks, ears, neck, etc.  With a hyper sensitive mommy eye, I did notice some additional facial asymmetries: her right jaw was slightly sharper on one side, her cheek was slightly chubbier on one side, and the back of her neck had a depression on side.  All these characteristics are probably not even noticeable to the average person; and they are barely noticeable even if you are specifically looking for them.  Despite any slight asymmetries, she is absolutely beautiful anyways.  And even people without torticollis (myself included) have facial asymmetries. 

The good news is many parents of children with torticollis say that the facial asymmetries will improve in time and with physical therapy.  In addition, I read that as the child's facial plane grows, any resulting asymmetries will likely not even be noticeable.  So I feel hopeful that this will be the case for my daughter Kellyn.

Anyways, I know there is no good in beating myself up over this.  Additionally, I will try to focus on the many resources that God has placed in our life in order to best treat our daughter: excellent health insurance, access to incredible medical professionals, family that will help with childcare of our son while I take Kellyn to doctors' appointments, an awesome husband who is equally dedicated in helping our daughter recover, and the prayers of family and friends.